People ask me how I have been able to make my relationship with my husband work for 50 years.
Let’s start by saying I don’t “make” our relationship work. It works because I’ve worked on myself correcting my emotional imbalances, negative attitudes, erroneous perspectives, negative self-talk and lack of respect.
As I work on these areas, I’ve gained greater respect for myself and for my husband.
I believe it doesn’t work to try and “make” a relationship work between two people.
Just as no one can make you do, say or act in a way that’s against your wishes or principles, you cannot be successful in changing another.
What worked best to create a successful, compassionate relationship and partnership with my husband was taking a look at my weaknesses with a willingness and commitment to overcome, change and strengthen those weaknesses.
I started looking at my anger, impatience, intolerance and triggers.
I began taking measured steps to deeply understand where those patterns came from and developed a daily practice of catching myself whenever I fell backwards into old patterning.
I learned the importance of apologizing and admitting mistakes, and when I’m wrong, letting go of my ego’s pressure to be right or to win.
I started asking myself, “Is it really true?” when I think he did something on purpose to upset or trigger me, and “do I know that for a fact or could it be something else?”
I ask myself, “Am I overbearing? Am I feeling a victim? A nag? Shy? What can I do NOW to change that for the better?”
Our partners, loved ones and those closest are our greatest teachers. Let’s not forget that! They point out our flaws, our weaknesses, which often we may not want to hear, accept or even acknowledge. The key is to drop our egos and quietly ask ourselves, “What’s the lesson here for me?” “Is there any truth to this?”
Tune in next month for Part 2: Relationship Tips…from a Compassionate Perspective
Then, I’ll wrap this series up with Part 3: Compassionate Relationships: Healing the Heart